Is it easy for you to forgive??

We always hear people say 'I can forgive but I can't forget'.  What do people really mean when they say that?  The statement alone sounds resentful to me. (my opinion)  This is our fourth session and we started it out talking about forgiveness.  What is the definition of 'forgiveness'?  It is the process of letting go of anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference, or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.  Forgiveness is the process of forgiving or to stop feeling resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake.)

When you decide to forgive someone it doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong.  From my own experience forgiveness can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and even compassion for the one you are choosing to forgive.  -'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect? The Workbook.

We talked about how hard it can be to forgive someone who has hurt us.  This session was one of the most powerful ones for me.  There were a lot of tears and a lot of opening up and letting it out.  It was mostly family members that needed to be forgiven, namely fathers. :(  It breaks my heart to hear the pain a young girl has from a father being absent.  (I know exactly what that pain feels like).  I'm not talking about the father not being there physically.  I'm talking about the father that is only there when it's convenient, time spent decreasing as the child gets older or another family is started.  A few of the girls talk to and see their fathers on a regular basis, but the pain was from the disconnection.  (Something these fathers are probably unaware of). The tears wouldn't stop and the pain was so real.  I had to stop, wipe my eyes and give hugs.  Some of the testimonies hit home.   I felt it was important to let them know it was not their fault and suggested they try to talk to their fathers or write them a letter.  Only two of the thirteen girls had a father in the home.  A few girls were not ready to forgive or talk to their dads and that was okay.  I made the focus of the discussion on what it means to choose to forgive and the value it can have on your life.  The importance of letting go of feelings of sadness, anger and confusion so it doesn't build up inside and cause resentment and hostility.  We talked about bitter, angry people and how holding on to things affects how you treat others. (Imagine learning that at an early age!)

We dried the tears and the girls acted out scenes from the novel 'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect?' and we discussed who each character needed to forgive and why.  I love talking to these girls.  They have an understanding of life that makes me smile!

We ended with our weekly circle embracing each other:

"I am on a perfect peach journey....  I love who I am!...  I love who I'm becoming!

Group hug!!

I left them with this inspiration:

Forgiveness

We are never upset for the reason we think we are;

There is always something else going on.

One challenging experience in life will always trigger our old stuff.

That stuff will show up as more confusion, greater difficulty, more pain.

In the midst of our challenges, we must ask ourselves, “What am I really feeling?”

This may lead to the thoughts, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough,”

Which all boils down to, “I’m not enough.”

If this personal lie is the center of your challenge, ask yourself,

“When was the first time I heard this or felt this way? 

Who said this or caused me to feel this way?”

Allow yourself to feel once again what you felt then.

Trust that you can feel bad and recover.

When you identify the people, forgive them, and forgive yourself for believing them.

The most important aspect of forgiving, at the start, is the realization that

You cannot lose anyone’s love.

Either they love you and honestly want you happy or they don’t.

Nothing is too terrible to be forgiven even if you are forgiving yourself.

Fill your mind with forgiving thoughts. Speak forgiving words to yourself.

It’s powerful…

You can heal, strengthen, empower yourself with a thought or a word,

just as easily as you can be broken by the same…

  

The Perfect Peach Journey Continues

Just when I thought the sessions could get no better...  This session was great!  If you walked in the room you would have been hit with tons of positive energy.  The topic of the third session was Self-worth and Values. So many of us were taught to focus on others and not ourselves.  As children we are told not to brag or be selfish.  While teenagers, wanting to be accepted, we may have minimized our accomplishments to avoid appearing conceited or self-centered.  As adults we may have developed a false humility to avoid looking prideful.  We may come to not like ourselves and believe that we don't deserve anything good.  Self-esteem suffers while self-worth is forgotten. - 'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect?" The Workbook.
So we started the session off bragging about our accomplishments.  The girls enjoyed talking about their achievements without the pressure of being judged.  We each took a turn telling what makes us special.  The smiles were limitless and we got to know a lot more about each other.
The girls got a chance to act out scenes from the novel, "Who Said Peaches Were Perfect?".  This led to a discussion about how each character feels about themselves.
Then we talked about Values and identified our own.  We tackled the questions "Who Am I?" and "What do I believe in?"  We talked about how understanding what we value helps us to understand why we think and act the way we do.  Then we completed  our vision boards!!  Yes, we each did our very own vision boards and discussed our dreams.  It was fun and everyone got to take home their board filled with the things and ideas that they value.
We also had a surprise guest ... Rashan Ali!  My friend for many years stopped by to share her story.  She talked about the ups and downs of her career in Radio.  She inspired the girls with her testimony about what it means to listen to and trust God.  She also shared her vision board with the girls.  She was great!!
My sister, Torie Evans, who is a social worker and my good friend Tara Brown, who is a graphic designer also stopped in to meet the girls and help out with their vision boards.
We ended with our perfect peach journey circle and I left them with this inspiration:

Afraid To Dream

Dreaming can be frightening.

When you dream, all things are possible.

Are you afraid to dream?

I like to dream

But it can be frightening to imagine that you can have

anything, everything that you want

It’s mind blowing to imagine that there is a place where all your needs are met,

Where all of your wishes can come true;

that you can live the type of life

you have dreamed of without struggle or effort.

Can you imagine doing all of the things you love to do;

being paid for doing those things;

feeling good about what you are doing and yourself.

Is that frightening to you?

It’s frightening to me!

That’s probably why it is not happening!

I am afraid to dream…

Are you afraid to dream?

The Perfect Peach Journey

The girls returned excited about our second session.  I was happy to learn that everyone had completed their homework and journal assignments.  They had the opportunity to look deep within and tell me who they are.  I love their honesty and their willingness to grow. 

In this session we discussed ‘Perception’.  The discussion started with defining perception, understanding what it means and led to why it is important.  My goal was to get them to realize that they have a certain amount of control over how they are perceived.  The examples used were the way they dress, talk, and carry themselves.  We looked at a few pictures from magazines.  One that was very heavy was the picture I showed them of Montana Fishburne dressed very provocatively.   The discussion was about how Montana thought that by following in Kim Kardashian’s footsteps by making a sex tape to become famous was the thing to do to become successful.  The discussion could have gone on for hours.  As the conversation went on they appeared to have a better understanding about perception, how they think they are perceived, and how they want to be perceived as well as how what you do today can effect tomorrow.  We talked about the role models they see and who they want to follow after.  I had a special guest surprise them.  Shanti Das, CEO and Founder of Press Reset Entertainment.  I felt it was important to expose them to the other side of the music industry, a female music executive doing very big things.  They were inspired and amazed to learn about the role of marketing an album. (They thought females in the music industry either sang or starred in videos)  Shanti shared her recent book, ‘The Hip-Hop Professional: A Woman’s Guide To Climbing The Ladder of Success In The Entertainment Business.

We took some time to act out scenes from my novel 'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect?' and that led to the discussion on ‘Domestic Violence’ and the signs of it in a relationship.   The real talk was heavy, especially when we talked about the abusive behavior coming from both sides (the male and the female).  Not just physical but emotional abuse.  I had a special guest, Erica Benoit, a celebrity wardrobe stylist come by and join in the discussion.  There were things discussed that was not recognized by the girls as abusive behavior, which was disheartening.  I was moved by some of the experiences at such a young age.  I left them with this inspiration:

When a rock caused major damage to the right side of my face almost causing me to lose my right eye I learned self-value.  When my biological father died and we had never had a real conversation about his absence I learned about forgiveness.  When I became a single mother of two I learned about self-worth and survival.  Of course, I did not realize I was learning until after the experiences and the lessons were over.

Every experience, no matter how painful, traumatic, unexpected, or confusing it may seem, is an opportunity to learn.  At times, we learn about our selves.  In other instances, we learn about others.  We learn what to do, and what not to do.  We learn when to wait, how long we are capable of waiting.  In the midst of the most difficult lesson, we learn the tenacity of spirit and how far it will take us.  At the end of it all, we have developed character.

Always remember, every experience is merely a trip through life’s classroom. Some classes have big, fat, ugly, mean teachers; this does not mean they do not know what they are doing.  In some classes, you will have a great deal of homework.  Good!  You are being forced to study, pay attention, and take notes.  In each of life’s learning experiences, our job is to get the lesson, and practice what we have learned.  What will make the lessons easier is to remember, everything you learn can someday be put to good use, and you will be better because of what you have learned.  No one is ever going to be perfect but if you look to get the lesson from every experience you will grow.