Is it easy for you to forgive??

We always hear people say 'I can forgive but I can't forget'.  What do people really mean when they say that?  The statement alone sounds resentful to me. (my opinion)  This is our fourth session and we started it out talking about forgiveness.  What is the definition of 'forgiveness'?  It is the process of letting go of anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference, or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.  Forgiveness is the process of forgiving or to stop feeling resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake.)

When you decide to forgive someone it doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong.  From my own experience forgiveness can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and even compassion for the one you are choosing to forgive.  -'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect? The Workbook.

We talked about how hard it can be to forgive someone who has hurt us.  This session was one of the most powerful ones for me.  There were a lot of tears and a lot of opening up and letting it out.  It was mostly family members that needed to be forgiven, namely fathers. :(  It breaks my heart to hear the pain a young girl has from a father being absent.  (I know exactly what that pain feels like).  I'm not talking about the father not being there physically.  I'm talking about the father that is only there when it's convenient, time spent decreasing as the child gets older or another family is started.  A few of the girls talk to and see their fathers on a regular basis, but the pain was from the disconnection.  (Something these fathers are probably unaware of). The tears wouldn't stop and the pain was so real.  I had to stop, wipe my eyes and give hugs.  Some of the testimonies hit home.   I felt it was important to let them know it was not their fault and suggested they try to talk to their fathers or write them a letter.  Only two of the thirteen girls had a father in the home.  A few girls were not ready to forgive or talk to their dads and that was okay.  I made the focus of the discussion on what it means to choose to forgive and the value it can have on your life.  The importance of letting go of feelings of sadness, anger and confusion so it doesn't build up inside and cause resentment and hostility.  We talked about bitter, angry people and how holding on to things affects how you treat others. (Imagine learning that at an early age!)

We dried the tears and the girls acted out scenes from the novel 'Who Said Peaches Were Perfect?' and we discussed who each character needed to forgive and why.  I love talking to these girls.  They have an understanding of life that makes me smile!

We ended with our weekly circle embracing each other:

"I am on a perfect peach journey....  I love who I am!...  I love who I'm becoming!

Group hug!!

I left them with this inspiration:

Forgiveness

We are never upset for the reason we think we are;

There is always something else going on.

One challenging experience in life will always trigger our old stuff.

That stuff will show up as more confusion, greater difficulty, more pain.

In the midst of our challenges, we must ask ourselves, “What am I really feeling?”

This may lead to the thoughts, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough,”

Which all boils down to, “I’m not enough.”

If this personal lie is the center of your challenge, ask yourself,

“When was the first time I heard this or felt this way? 

Who said this or caused me to feel this way?”

Allow yourself to feel once again what you felt then.

Trust that you can feel bad and recover.

When you identify the people, forgive them, and forgive yourself for believing them.

The most important aspect of forgiving, at the start, is the realization that

You cannot lose anyone’s love.

Either they love you and honestly want you happy or they don’t.

Nothing is too terrible to be forgiven even if you are forgiving yourself.

Fill your mind with forgiving thoughts. Speak forgiving words to yourself.

It’s powerful…

You can heal, strengthen, empower yourself with a thought or a word,

just as easily as you can be broken by the same…